By Jennifer Lawyer
If you take a look around companies’ websites, there is a range of rainbow logos and products in June. People show support on social media by adding rainbows over their pictures. Pride Month did not start out as a marketing ploy to sell rainbow products. It originated with people visiting a gay club who ended up needing to defend themselves from a police raid in New York City back in 1969 (the Stonewall Uprising or the Stonewall Riots). During this era, same-sex relationships were not only frowned upon, but they were also illegal in most areas, including NYC. Simply holding hands in public was grounds for arrest. The news covered it from the viewpoint of people rioting and a standoff with police. It meant so much more to the gay community. It was the start of gay rights activism that eventually led to the gay rights movement. They had remained oppressed and hidden for too long, raided and aggressively handled. Over time, additional groups were added; now there is an acronym you may have seen: LGBT+. If you are unfamiliar with what the different letters stand for, you can read more here.
The cultural climate we grew up in affects our attitudes and expectations. If reading about Pride Month makes you feel uncomfortable but you are not sure why, it may be because of internalized views. It is not helpful to blame or question ourselves for the culture we grew up in. Instead, we must listen, learn, and move forward. We end our practice at Dogwood Studio saying, “We Practice for Our Minds, an Open Mind. We Practice for Our Hearts, an Open Heart. We Practice for Each Other.” Listening and learning is the road to understanding, then acceptance, and these require us to slow down and be present in the moment. Having an open mind to learn of other’s experiences is all that is needed to start to help. Let’s listen together.
Here is an excerpt from an interview with my college-aged daughter, who identifies as belonging in the LGBT+ community. Remember that this is just one voice of many, and we should listen to more narratives for a deeper understanding.
What does Pride Month mean for someone in the LGBT+ community?
Pride is accepting yourself and others. It means being ok with who you are despite the fact that the world tells you that there is something “wrong” with you. Some people need to hide who they are and are afraid to tell anyone, so Pride to them is finding acceptance with themselves and others. Other people told them repeatedly that they were bad, wrong, or even evil, and these ideas come back to them, playing in their minds like a broken record. Personal acceptance means saying “I am gay and that is ok” without hearing these inner thoughts saying otherwise. I grew up in a household that was very accepting so I never felt the need to accept myself any differently. My friends have had a very different experience. One became homeless at 17.
Is there something you want others to know about being LGBT+?
I can see why there might be confusion around “coming out”. From the other side of things, it seems like someone has "decided that they are gay." But that is not a decision. Did you wake up and decide one day to be straight? Instead, it is a decision to tell people your truth and to be genuine. It is a vulnerable time. How will they react? Will they see or treat you differently? Will I lose friends or family? I knew all along that I was different. Because we all mature differently and at different times, it can take a while to understand what that difference is or what it means. It can be liberating to finally tell others, but it can be devastating if they react negatively. That fear keeps some people from ever telling others. It is the everyday existence for some people to decide it is easier to lie about oneself rather than face unknown consequences.
What do you want from others?
Most of all, people in the LGBT+ community want understanding and support. We feel that people may not stop and listen to what our lives are like. Understanding comes from listening to what other’s experiences are. We need to listen to each other’s experiences also, so it is not a one way process. Each experience should be validated for what it is and what it means to the person experiencing it.
Many ignore issues because they think it does not affect them. However, others have to live that reality every day they wake up. Listen and help magnify the voices that are not heard enough. An ally can help us most by listening and sharing. If someone gets it wrong, gently educate them. People in the LGBT+ community just want to live their lives and be allowed to love who they love, be true to themselves, and live an authentic life. In that way we are really not any different.
People may look away from us if it makes them feel uncomfortable, or we have outright homophobia aimed at us. For example, a mother of teenaged boys once told my girlfriend and I to stop holding hands in public because “it was a bad influence on her boys.” Framing my love as evil is the true harm. Please spread acceptance, or at least be open to understanding our point of view, or even just ask questions. Leading with hate or unacceptance is not helpful for anyone.