Written by Aviva Tulasi
We care about ourselves. We eat things that we like and do things that we enjoy. But do we take the time to cultivate a true appreciation of ourselves; to recognize that no matter the circumstance we are human and deserve our own unconditional love? We can develop understanding, support, care and comfort for ourselves with self-compassion.
Compassion is sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. Therefore, we can use the definition of compassion to help define self-compassion. Dr. Kristin Neff, who has been doing research in the field of self-compassion for almost 20 years, defines Self-compassion as “acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality, you stop to tell yourself ‘this is really difficult right now,’ how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?” When we practice self-compassion, we act the same way towards ourselves as we would with others when faced with difficulties. Self-compassion promotes us to help ourselves heal and live in good health; of not allowing ourselves to ignore or power through pain. It is a practice of good intention where we mindfully accept our situation and the moments of pain. We embrace ourselves as our true nature: one filled with kindness and care for ourselves.
Dr. Kristin Neff explains that there are three elements of self-compassion: 1) self-kindness, 2) common humanity and 3) mindfulness.
Self-kindness combats our natural tendency to judge ourselves. It allows us to be warm and understanding, and approach setbacks with equanimity or mental calmness leading to evenness of temper.
Common humanity reminds us that we are not navigating Earth alone. Life doesn’t target one individual. We embrace that suffering and personal inadequacy is something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone.
Mindfulness promotes balance. We recognize and honor what is on our mind and in our heart. We willingly observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and calmness rather than suppress or exaggerate our emotions.
The end goal of self-compassion is the alleviation of suffering, but life is not perfect so practicing self-compassion doesn’t mean we stop experiencing pain; we change our relationship with pain and recognize the pain does not define who we are. We remember that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. We don’t rationalize or dismiss the pain. We hold ourselves in love and connection, giving ourselves the support and comfort needed to bear the pain, while providing the optimal conditions for growth and transformation. We cultivate being in the present moment to support more understanding of our mind-body-emotional patterns that contribute to suffering, helping us to respond rather than react to our stress or pain.
Buddhism and yogic teaching promote the teachings of self-compassion. In recent years, the research community is noticing the health benefits of these practices. A 2019 meta analysis found that self-compassion interventions led to a significant improvement across 11 diverse psychosocial outcomes compared with controls.
Our mindfulness practices in Dogwood Studio classes and private sessions can help cultivate calmness when confronted by the inner critic, making it easier to begin to repattern how we hold our body and our thoughts in a safe environment. Also being in a community that supports each other, helps us remember we are not alone in our struggles for inner peace and calm.
You can also practice self-compassion in our On Demand Video Mindful Meditation Workshop Series Session on Self-Compassion. For a limited time, the video is FREE using the coupon code: SELFCOMPASSION21. Expires August 31, 2021. In the video, you will get a lecture on self-compassion, an exercise to practice as homework and a guided meditation focusing on self-compassion.
An important component of self-compassion is promoting overall wellbeing. Our mental health impacts our overall health. Learn more about our partnership with Cognitive Psychiatry of Chapel Hill HERE.
For our latest online and in person event schedule on the website, click HERE. We have many gifted teachers to support your cultivation of self-compassion.
We have posted the Video Library for August video library. If you are a subscriber you have Unlimited access. If you do not, you can rent single videos.
For questions, contact info@dogwoodstudioyoga.com and we are here to help.
Aviva Tulasi is a yoga instructor who is currently enrolled in an IYAT certified 800 hour yoga therapy program. Aviva still needs to work privately with individuals to complete her practicum hours. She is offering 4.5 hours for free. You can contact Aviva to schedule your free sessions. If you have any questions, contact yogawithtulasi@gmail.com and Aviva can help.
SAM Sather, founder of Dogwood Studios, is a certified yoga therapist (C-IAYT), individualizes the yoga practice with appropriate modifications for participants’ unique bodies and medical histories with a focus on finding calm and improving health. She offers several live, online class in yoga as private sessions so you can focus on your needs one-on-one.